It’s not easy to balance work and family but here are a few tips that can make your challenge a little easier.
Perfect balance is impossible but there are things you can do to create a better balance between your home life and work. As a single parent for years and now parent of two grown productive children, spouse, and grandparent, I can share a few things I learned along the way.
Give yourself 15 minutes ‘transition time’ between work and home. This is time alone to d-stress and get ready to be a parent and partner/spouse. With smaller children, time may need to be at a location away from home. As children grow, they can understand when you explain at you need 15 minutes ‘alone time’ and then you will be ready to be with them. This is true for spouses too. They need to understand you need alone time and you need to understand they need it too. Giving yourself ‘alone time’ to get your head away from work issues, relaxed, and able to be present with your family. Discuss with your spouse/significant other how this will be accomplished for each of you.
Spend the next half hour to hour being totally present with your family. Don’t respond to outside distractions like cell phones or assume playing a video game or watching TV counts as ‘family time’. Your family deserves your undivided attention. Play with the children first. Listen to their recounts of their day. Don’t talk about your day but listen to them. Engage them in play or conversation depending on their age and you’ll be surprised what you learn. Soon they will go off to play or be on their own once you’ve given a chance to be fully present with you.
Don’t forget to give your spouse that undivided attention too. Listening is the key. Let them share whatever they wish to talk about with genuine interest. Once they feel truly heard, they feel cared about and are in a better place to listen to you in the same manner. And yes, you need to have your time to share with your spouse and be listened to in the same manner.
Make meals ahead on weekends or in the crock-pot to save preparation time. Everyone is ready to eat and you have been listening instead of cooking. Cook in volume and freeze portions you can pull out quickly during the week. Crock-pots are an easy way to have a meal ready when you come home from a long day and allow for quick clean up using crock pot liners. Slices of fresh fruit or canned fruit, bagged vegetable salads or raw veggies, rice, pasta, or healthy breads and rolls served with a glass of milk completes a meal without much preparation. For those interested in dessert, ice cream or gelato can make for a quick sweet treat.
Children and spouses should help with meal preparation, setting the table and clean up. A family needs to work together just like your teams at work. Everyone pitches in. For especially busy times, use paper products – its okay.
Lower your standards for how things should be done in the home. If you want people to help, you need to let them do it in their way. The towels may be folded differently or the lawn mowed unevenly. Praising children and spouses for doing the work is the first step in encouraging them to do more chores around the home. As children grow, teach them ways to complete a job. Keep in mind that children like spouses may have a difference process to achieve the same end result.
My children had a chore list to complete before they could play. When I came home, I started criticizing them for the areas they did not complete to my satisfaction. My son said, “Why do you only see what we do not do instead of all the work we have done?” A defining moment for me. From that day on, I praised them for what they did do and slowly added some advice as they grew into more responsibility. While they never cleaned the way I did it, the job was done and I didn’t have to do it!
Give lots of praise and limit the criticism. Always give lots of praise first. My husband is far more likely to pitch in and help with the dishes if I do not criticize him for how he loads the dishwasher. He has his own method but what is important is that it gets the desired results – clean dishes.
Think about whether the end result is achieved before offering any criticism. If it is, why criticize at all? After all, how do you want to spend your limited time at home, joyfully, or angrily?
Spend time as a family. While my kids were growing up, we had family night every Thursday night. I scheduled it on my calendar and my children knew we were going to do something fun together. By scheduling one full night during the week, the rest of the weeknights I could spend less time with them if needed for work and it was okay because I made them a priority they could count on each week. Set aside a special time each week your family can look forward to being together without distractions from work.
Children need regular bedtimes and the younger they are, the earlier the bedtime. If you truly spend time with them in the evening – that does not mean giving them electronics to watch – but play interactively with them, not just watching them play on their own. Inspire their creativity, ad-lib, roll on the floor, be part of a band, and laugh a lot. It is the best stress relief for you and it burns extra energy in your children so they are ready for bed. Watching TV or playing video games are not bad, but it is an alone activity, not a family engagement activity. And it does not burn energy so children are ready for bed.
Spending time with your family where you are truly present is worth the effort. It builds stronger relationships, teaches valuable lessons, and relieves stress so you are ready to work again. A healthy break each evening gives you more focus and rejuvenates you so when you do start working, it goes much faster and easier.
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