Before I married my husband Lars, a bachelor of 40 some years, I told him that our relationship was going to be the hardest work he had ever done but also the most rewarding. I also told him that I did not settle for mediocre but was always striving to improve myself and my relationships. He didn’t know what I meant at the time but after thirteen years, he’s got the process figured out. I am blessed with a man who also is interested in growing and improving himself and his relationships. We’ve had our ups and downs like any couple but have learned that often when we disagree it’s because we did not recognize early enough that we are saying the same things in different ways.
In some ways we are very much alike. We value family, integrity, honesty, faith in God, hard work, a love of learning and a passion to help others. But like many couples, we also are very different.
It’s the little things that seem to trip us up. For example, a friend said to my husband that a lot of people were asking him how old he is so he decided to ask him. My husband responded with his age and the conversation moved on.
In recounting this exchange later to me, I asked him why people are wanting to know his age. Or who is asking? Of course he did not know because these were not important questions to him. My inquiring mind wanted to know!
I have a tendency to give too much information in recanting the story from beginning to end (sound familiar) and he only catches part of the conversation. I was explaining about how I could not find cinnamon flavored toothpaste and I’ve looked for over a week in…… At the end I mentioned the brand but said I didn’t care about the brand, only that it was cinnamon flavor.
My wonderful husband stopped after work and looked at that brand, couldn’t find cinnamon so brought ‘cinnamint’ flavored toothpaste. I knew it was a mistake to mention a brand because I didn’t remember the correct brand. All he heard was the brand not that I wanted cinnamon-flavored. So I took the toothpaste, gave him a kiss and thanked him. I know I need to shortened my messages like ‘I need cinnamon-flavored toothpaste’ and he would have gotten it. My brain just gets carried away sometimes.
I think God made us different to give us a chance to laugh. Sometimes he looks at me so perplexed I laugh harder until the tears roll down my face. Then I thank him because it felt so good to laugh. Laughing is one of my favorite things to do together.
Despite our differences we have developed our own personal language that we just take in stride. For example, when I tell him to turn on the ‘whirly gig’, he knows to turn on the fan. Or a gesture means, back into the parking space. It creates an intimacy between us that only we share.
Think how dull life would be if we were all the same.
~Jean
