“Learning the love language of acts of service will require some of us to reexamine our stereotypes of the roles of husbands and wives.” ~Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages
We started our with ‘traditional’ expectations but learned quickly that we each had a different idea of ‘traditional’ roles. So through what I like to call ‘growing pains’, our roles changed over time. It’s more than evolve, they really change. We started out splitting up the chores. Now it’s a toss up.
Lars loves to mow the lawn. He says it’s relaxing. I mow the lawn to give Lars time to do other things, not because I find it relaxing! It means more to him because he knows I really don’t like to mow the lawn.
I love to cook because I find it relaxing. Occasionally, Lars brings home something to eat (because he doesn’t cook) so I have time to do something else. He buys with his ‘blow money’ (see below) and does the dishes. It means more because he spent his ‘fun money’ on me.
Sometimes its a matter of who has more time to do something. At times, Lars was home more so he did more of the ‘chores’ but then his work picked up and we split the chores again. Now I have more time at home so I’m doing more of the ‘acts of service’.
Some chores neither of us like such as folding clothes so we usually do them together. If not, I usually do them because the wrinkles bother me more than they do him!
He dusts the ceiling fans because he is tall and he sees the dust so it bothers him. What I cannot see, does not bother me.
Money can be a source of conflict for some couples. We each have our own accounts with both of our names on them. We are each responsible for certain bills but that changes according to who has the most income. We move money freely between accounts.
Lars decided I was better at saving so I am in charge of moving money to the savings accounts. We decide together what we are saving for and I put together a suggested budget. It is adjusted from time to time to meet our needs or wants. We talk about ‘big’ purchases not on the budget before buying but leave the small things up to each others judgment. There is always some ‘blow money’ each month for each of us to use without need for confession or discussion.
The key is trust, communication, and flexibility. It didn’t just happen, we have to work at it, especially the communication. The communication comes first followed by trust and flexibility.
When things don’t work, we know God put us together so we better figure it out together!
Forgiveness, love, and lots of prayer will help you define and change your respective roles. It actually can be fun!
