You may be letting people control you when you did not even realize it. You will feel more joy, creativity, and energy when you learn how to take control again.
Letting your emotions erupt gives the other person control of the situation. I’m not saying don’t get angry. Instead, I’m saying don’t let the person you are angry at control you. How can they control you? We can unknowingly give them the control. In the past, when someone said something at work to upset or anger me, I found myself speechless or fumbling for words at the moment. Then I’d spend the next few days thinking about what I should have said or done at the time. I’d even think about what I would say or do the next time I saw them. It took a lot of energy and time to repeat the scenario over and over again in my mind thinking about how I could control the situation the next time.
Here’s a story I often tell in my anger management trainings. One day I was with my sister when someone was rude and unfair to us during the workday. Neither of us responded at the time but we got more upset as we continued to talk about it. We decided to go for a walk and unfortunately for him, my brother-in-law tagged along. After spending what seemed like hours listening to us re-hash the situation, my brother-in-law stopped in his tracks and asked, “Do you really think that guy is spending his evening worrying about you two?”
A defining moment. Of course he wasn’t. He was out having fun with his family, friends or relaxing at home! And worst of all, by letting him rule our thoughts, he continued to control us through our emotions hours after the encounter. It was at that moment, I decided I didn’t want to let someone control me in that way again.
Whenever we brood about things, or make decisions based on what will hurt, upset, or anger another person, we have just allowed them to control us through our emotions. Yes, it’s natural to be angry about these situations but we do not have to let others see it. Fight the battles that can cause long-term harm or problems in your work and let the others go.
I want to make it clear, I am NOT saying that you should always let things go. Sometimes we do need to deal directly with the person or situation once we have our own emotions under control. It is healthy to get problems out in the open so we can continue to work effectively together.
Remember, much of what is upsetting to us is hurting us more by hanging onto it than by letting it go. When you do, you will enjoy more joy, creativity, and energy at work and in your life.
