We think if we wait long enough, they will get over it. If we can just stay out of their way until they are past it, we will be in the clear. Unfortunately, it does not work that way.
Anger when addressed appropriately can strengthen relationships and provide a fresh start. Talking honestly about the issue and making a genuine effort to resolve the problem builds trust. How do you get the courage to face the angry person?
Here’s some things to consider:
- They may be angry about the situation, not at you.
- If it is not your fault, it makes you look guilty if you avoid them.
- If you are to blame partially or wholly, their anger will build until you take responsibility.
- They want someone to recognize their pain. By avoiding, they feel you don’t care.
An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt. It can be a peace offering if you say, “I’m sorry you are hurting” or “I’m sorry we are arguing”. It opens a door for them to share their feelings if you are willing to listen without comment.
This is the key to listening – don’t comment or try to fix the situation. If you do, it becomes about your need to end it rather than focusing on their pain. Listen genuinely, patiently until they have purged themselves of negative emotions.
It is about them getting rid of their negative emotions and feeling like you care at the same time. When you can show you care about someone when they are at their worst, it builds trust. When you avoid them, they cannot trust you to be there when they need you the most.
It’s extremely hard, I know. I also know it’s worth the risk.
Warmly,
Jean
Jean Brownlie, M.A., is a certified trainer and hybrid consultant with a listening ear and reasonable voice for growing your business.
