Have you been in a situation where you were pressured to choose a side between friends or colleagues? If you chose one side, you would lose the other relationship. It’s a no-win scenario.
How we treat others is learned from our past experiences and beliefs. Some people were never shown love and feel others are undeserving of love, too. Others grew up in a family where love was in limited supply, leaving siblings to fight to get their share. Unless addressed, these behaviors and beliefs become a natural response to conflict at work, home and church.
How should you handle this kind of situation?
- If you are having a conflict with someone, talk to them directly and in private. Do not complain to others about this person or the offense.
- When someone complains to you about another person, ask them if they have talked to this person? If they have not, tell them to talk to this person privately to try to resolve the situation.
- If they want help, suggest someone to act as a mediator who can stay neutral, keep them on track and moving forward during their discussion. Perhaps a supervisor, mentor, counselor or pastor could help.
- Do not share what you know about the situation with others, even if they ask you. You can honestly say, “it is between them”.
- Avoid the urge to “fix it” instead of letting them learn by working through the process themselves.
It is not easy to be impartial during a conflict. People who remain neutral can be perceived as siding with the opposition. It takes a greater level of maturity to understand nobody wins when forced to choose sides.
The key in staying neutral is not participating in conversations about the situation or the people involved. Direct them to talk to each other and suggest they seek assistance, if needed. Encourage others to avoid spreading gossip or inflaming the situation by choosing sides.
Remember, it takes wisdom and courage to prevent a war.
Warmly,
Jean
Jean Brownlie, M.A., is a certified trainer and hybrid consultant with a listening ear and reasonable voice for developing people to grow your business.
